[disclaimer: I'm writing this at 3am in a strange and inquisitive state of mind. in other words, don't expect it to make sense. that is all.]
I’m tired of hiding—hiding behind sarcasm, hiding behind shyness, hiding behind small works or gestures that I hope someone will pay more attention to than my actual person. More than tired, I’m scared. I’m scared that if I take away all those things to hide behind, that I may not even know who this being is underneath, much less how to deal with it. How can someone else know “you” when you yourself don’t even know who that is? Do they really know you then even if you don’t? Is it possible for people to know things about you that you don’t know about yourself?
I feel like I know people sometimes even when they’re not aware of it. I feel that quite often actually. It’s like when someone has toilet paper stuck to their shoe or a run in their pantyhose. These are things that the general public may or may not notice, things that I will most definitely notice, and things that the person they are happening to will undoubtedly be oblivious to. Does that make them any less real? Nope. They’re still there to see for any and all who are looking. Maybe I’m just always looking. Maybe I look in places that people don’t even see in or on themselves. Or maybe everyone does this and I just don’t know it. They probably do. I don’t know why I so often tend to think I’m the only one with this nonsense circling within my head.
So if that’s the case, do people see my toilet paper-ed heels? Do they see the runs in my pantyhose, the pepper in my teeth or that crazy piece of hair that has a mind of it’s own? Do people see those things in me that I don’t even know are there? Do I have qualities existing within me without my permission?
On second thought, maybe I am the only one who thinks this nonsense…
This is unfinished.
--author unknown
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